the struggle of craving love, but not wanting to seem desperate

There comes one point in time, where you just don‘t want to be alone anymore. No matter how much selflove you built up for yourself and tried to be as independent as possible. But nobody forces you to live in this hyperindependent way, besides your own feminist ideals. The imagination of a woman that doesn‘t need anyone apart from herself. So secure in her own personality that nobody can tell her, who she is meant to be. Maybe I am that woman already. But maybe I will lose her, once I fall in love again. Scared to lose myself being in love with another person, I protect my heart. Not letting anyone come near my vulnerable self, is the best way to do that (I‘m telling myself). I crave to love someone, but who would admit that. I forbid myself from admitting this openly for fear of seeming desperate.