There comes one point in time, where you just don‘t want to be alone anymore. No matter how much selflove you built up for yourself and tried to be as independent as possible. But nobody forces you to live in this hyperindependent way, besides your own feminist ideals. The imagination of a woman that doesn‘t need anyone apart from herself. So secure in her own personality that nobody can tell her, who she is meant to be. Maybe I am that woman already. But maybe I will lose her, once I fall in love again. Scared to lose myself being in love with another person, I protect my heart. Not letting anyone come near my vulnerable self, is the best way to do that (I‘m telling myself). I crave to love someone, but who would admit that. I forbid myself from admitting this openly for fear of seeming desperate.
Category: Mental Health
Here
Once I’m off to see the world
I might find my peace of mind
By thinking of what I left behind
Though
Eventually I’ll realise
Everywhere is actually not
Better than here
Better than where I was
– Self Reflection
What if I’m just escaping from one place to another?
Something Is Missing
I miss waiting in the cold, until I get in your car. I miss having cold hands and you holding them to warm up and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but wrapped in your arms right now, my forehead touching your neck, my breath catching yours and yours catching mine. I can’t believe how used I got to the feeling of being held by you. I realized what a difference it makes when it’s not you.
– Self Reflection
Uprooted Pages
Uprooted pages are the scars of a book. they leave a small piece of what once belonged there and let us wonder, what caused her being torn out of home? Whose hand did she take that was dragging her behind? We notice them like scars on one’s tender skin. They fade but never leave and remind us, our body heals what weakens us.
mental vacations
On some days, I need to go on mental vacations and refuse to take someone with me. My mind is the only space I’m being left alone at, and I can get lost there. It occurs to me that I feel grounded at an unknown place, where I‘d leave my whole heart. However, I wonder what the symptoms of my distractions are.
Clarity Is Essential
We‘re in a transformative state. It requires to be brave to search for clarity. This time is about understanding your situation, without being distracted by comparison, about becoming the person you want to be, but with patience. The journey you’re facing is not based on a competition or expectations, it is entirely up to you. It’s okay to put yourself first right now, although you’ve been taught differently. When you just follow the path, you‘ll get where you‘re going. Where the past doesn’t determine you, but adds to your life and you realise the potential you hold in the palm of your hands. That’s when you‘ll know what you’re capable of and how to use your strength. Trust the purpose of clarity, it‘ll guide you.
words left unsaid
What if the words left unsaid should’ve been spoken instead, I understood their meaning and what they might could’ve changed. There were moments that needed pure honesty, though I remembered the outspoken truth once felt like bare skin. You could think whatever, because the past lays behind, but those same words still remain in my mind. Being written on paper doesn’t take them away anymore. Now I believe relying on the quiet, sometimes just isn’t enough and next time I won‘t let the fear make my mouth shut.
Deserving
August made me think, while the old hold me back and the new barely brought me further in life. I still thought about what I want from people, although I didn’t know what to expect anymore. My heart already felt swollen by the feeling of uncertainty. But I’m no longer thinking about what I don’t have, instead of considering what I own inside. I now notice a love I carry that is yet to be fulfilled, meant to nurture my soul. Although most certainly I know the perception I have surrounding love, that emerged of the experiences other people have made before me, I know I’m deserving of real love. Everyone is.
smiling when it rains
I feel at peace when the rain falls down. I’m thinking of all the people saving themselves under their roofs, while nature is taking back it’s power. But I go outside, let the rain touch my skin, watching it from my window and taking in this precious, yet simple moment. I feel connected, because I know there are all those unknown people probably doing the same thing. We notice that when life feels draining sometimes, the rain makes us feel alive.
Self Reflection 