There comes one point in time, where you just don‘t want to be alone anymore. No matter how much selflove you built up for yourself and tried to be as independent as possible. But nobody forces you to live in this hyperindependent way, besides your own feminist ideals. The imagination of a woman that doesn‘t need anyone apart from herself. So secure in her own personality that nobody can tell her, who she is meant to be. Maybe I am that woman already. But maybe I will lose her, once I fall in love again. Scared to lose myself being in love with another person, I protect my heart. Not letting anyone come near my vulnerable self, is the best way to do that (I‘m telling myself). I crave to love someone, but who would admit that. I forbid myself from admitting this openly for fear of seeming desperate.
Tag: love
The Book Shop
I feel alive in the midst of all this knowledge I can’t maintain. All the things the world has to offer are written on these pieces of paper and are yet for me to explore. Literature is infinite. Those words are connected to memories of my past, present and future. I remember a book of mine being the essence of my childhood and the memories connected to it live on as I continue my life.
Something Is Missing
I miss waiting in the cold, until I get in your car. I miss having cold hands and you holding them to warm up and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but wrapped in your arms right now, my forehead touching your neck, my breath catching yours and yours catching mine. I can’t believe how used I got to the feeling of being held by you. I realized what a difference it makes when it’s not you.
– Self Reflection
One of the most beautiful things, is looking at someone and realising how loveable that person is.
I leave
You let me know I disappointed you, but I don’t feel like saying sorry. It might hurt my sincerity to tell something that I don’t mean. Waiting for a reason to leave wasn’t good for me, but now I found one. Since then, you were left with expectations and nobody was there to comply them.
Deserving
August made me think, while the old hold me back and the new barely brought me further in life. I still thought about what I want from people, although I didn’t know what to expect anymore. My heart already felt swollen by the feeling of uncertainty. But I’m no longer thinking about what I don’t have, instead of considering what I own inside. I now notice a love I carry that is yet to be fulfilled, meant to nurture my soul. Although most certainly I know the perception I have surrounding love, that emerged of the experiences other people have made before me, I know I’m deserving of real love. Everyone is.
Self Reflection 